Nurse Betty (2000)

The Long Review:

The previews for Nurse Betty showed promise. They really did. A perky blonde in a tightie-whitie nurse's uniform going after a sexy stud from a soap opera, looking to play doctor with him? Now that sounds enticing. Unfortunately, this movie doesn't deliver the goods. Only the bads. It stars Renee Zellweger as Betty, a diner waitress who witnesses her good-for-nothing husband get scalped and shot dead in her living room. After this bloody spectacle that makes Cops look like a kids' cartoon, Betty gets traumatized so badly, she starts to live in la-la land believing she's not only a nurse, but the ex-fiancee of a sexy surgeon Greg Kinnear) from her favourite soap opera. So off she goes to cure patients she shouldn't be touching and to find the long-lost love she also shouldn't be touching. Ah, it gets even more twisted. The men who killed her husband, played by Morgan Freeman and Chris Rock, are also after good ol' Nurse Betty for a couple of good reasons. One, she saw them whack her husband; two, they believe she ran off with the 10 kilos of cocaine that translate to loads of cash for them. The chase is on. Oh, did we mention that Morgan Freeman's character also develops a creepy crush on Nurse Betty that propels him to drive all over the friggin' country to find her? Yup. Twisted!

This kind of plot has so much room for gut-wrenching comedy, clever dialogue, and pure entertainment. Too bad this room is used instead for useless, dragged-out scenes and a whole lot of high-pitched yelling. This movie just goes on and on and on. It seems like eternity before Nurse Betty gets started on her quest to find Dr. Love. It seems like an eternity because it is. Talk about taking too long to cut to the chase! We know she's a sweet girl who's had a pathetic life. We know that she's gone loco because she saw her deadbeat husband die a grisly death before her beady little eyes. We know that she wants to get with the Ken doll doctor from that soap opera. Now get on with it, dammit!!

Next on the list of bad stuff in this movie is its devotion to coincidence and luck. Man, if all women could get as lucky as Nurse Betty does after her husband is bagged, then women everywhere should hit their husbands with a metal baseball bat. We're talking Betty gets everything she wants right when she wants them. Some people may see it as poetic justice after all the bad karma that she's had to live with. But we don't. We just see it as plain stupid. Bah! There are just some things, actually, a whole lot of things, in the movie that never should and could happen. Again, bah!

And the list goes on. Some view Renee Zellweger as the perfect pick to play Nurse Betty. And she makes a valiant effort trying to portray a sweet, unassuming, innocent victim. But it is hard to get past the glaringly obvious fact that Zellweger is one cutie patootie. So it is even harder to believe that such a pretty little thang could go unnoticed by her entire Kansas hometown, much less that fat bastard husband of hers. And Zellweger, although sweet and all, gets well, annoying at times. Her pouty lips and squinting eyes may have some people begging for medication at some point. Speaking of annoying, can we say Chris Rock is damn plain irritating in this film? His talent for pissing people the hell off could be the main reason why this crass comedian was cast for his role, but man! If there's such a thing as overdoing it for this guy, we believe doing what he does in Nurse Betty is it. This guy is just asking to be shot!

Now it's not that there is nothing good about this movie. There is. Morgan Freeman does a great job playing a soulful, smitten hitman. He just might be the reason why we were able to sit through Chris Rock's torturous whining throughout the film. He thankfully neutralized Rock's inability to act or tendency to overact. We don't know which one. And Greg Kinnear as an obnoxious soap opera stud brings much-needed comic relief to the movie. Maybe if they'd dressed him up in the nurse outfit instead, the movie would've been a little better. Nurse Betty also has some pretty funny moments. We'll give it that. But not enough to make us laugh. Maybe the ends of our mouths crinkled a little. That's about it. Oh, and if you're into sadistic deaths, you'll appreciate the gory murder scene right in the beginning.

Overall, Nurse Betty is a movie that, for your sake, should be left watched on video (if you really want to watch it). Its convoluted plot and lackluster delivery make it a loser movie. And no amount of doctoring can save it.

Ebert's satisfaction:

ebert says	moviegurus say
Look at this movie inattentively, especially if you're looking for Hollywood formulas, and all you see is a mad woman pursued by some drug dealers, like a high-rent Crazy in Alabama. But it's more, deeper, and more touching than that.	You could be right. It could be deeper and more touching. But we just found it to be so bad, we we were too afraid to look any closer.
Kinnear is deadly accurate in portraying an actor who has confused his ego with his training, and a scene where Betty is offered a role in the show is handled with cruel realism.	Yup, yup, Kinnear has an uncanny penchant for playing the role of arrogant but gorgeous bastard. We love it. We also love the way his character's ego is deflated by Betty like a needle through a silicone breast.
As for Charlie, his final scene, his only real scene with Betty, contains some of Freeman's best work.	We agree. Morgan Freeman displays some major-league acting in this film. We almost cried. Almost.
Nurse Betty" is one of those films where you don't know whether to laugh or cringe, and find yourself doing both.	Oh, trust us, we knew when to cringe. And we sure did a lot more cringing than laughing!